200+ Funny Inspirational Quotes To Laugh The Blues Away

“To achieve great things, two things are needed: a plan, and not quite enough time.” -Leonard Bernstein

Having to try again multiple times is a great thing, unless you’re trying to patch up a hole in a sinking rowboat.

“It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the dog’s owner—and the distance you are from your car.” -Demetri Martin

“The best advice I’ve ever received is: ‘No one else knows what they’re doing either.” -Ricky Gervais

“I never made a mistake in my life; at least, never one that I couldn’t explain away afterwards.” -Rudyard Kipling

“If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?” -Jerry Seinfeld

“When I was a boy, I was told that anybody could become President. I’m beginning to believe it.” -Clarence Darrow

“If you ever find yourself in the wrong story, leave.” -Mo Willems (Goldilocks and the Three Dinosaurs)

“I can be just as non-competitive as anybody. Matter of fact, I’m the most non-competitive. So, I win.” –Peter Griffin (Family Guy)

“So long as your desire to explore is greater than your desire to not screw up, you’re on the right track.” -Ed Helms

“A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.” -Herm Albright

“When I make a fool out of myself, or when I don’t take myself seriously, I’m in a comfortable spot where I don’t need to be reasonable. There’s no reason to be reasonable. This is what I want to do, and where I have full control. I determine what I want to do.” -Nils Frahm

“Smart people learn from their mistakes. But the real sharp ones learn from the mistakes of others.” -Brandon Mull

“Artists are just children who refuse to put down their crayons.” -Al Hirschfeld

“I live in my own little world. But it’s ok; they know me here.” -Lauren Myracle

“Remember, you’re unique. And so is everyone else.” -Jill Shalvis (The Sweetest Thing)

There are many ways to pass track hurdles; while many people jump over them, you could also go around or under them. Just because you can’t jump high, it doesn’t mean you can’t reach the end of the race. Sometimes, hurdles are meant to be bowled over!

“Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you’ll be a mile away and have his shoes.” -Steve Martin

There are so many good reasons to strive to be the best person you can be. There are also a great number of reasons to be cynical, which will only make you a good person with a great sense of humor.

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” -Dr. Seuss

Don’t think about new challenges as opening up a can of worms. Think of it as unleashing a burst of rainbow confetti. Take on challenges with excitement, and perceive them as positive opportunities, not as…well, a can of worms.

“As a purely mathematical fact, people who sleep less live more.” -Amy Chua (Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother)

“Whatever you do in life, surround yourself with smart people who’ll argue with you.” -John Wooden

“I’m going to do something bigger and better,
bigger and better
and bolder, but first,
I’m going to do something
smaller and worse.”
-JonArno Lawson

If you have the work ethic of an ant, the imagination of a painter, the determination of a mule, and a person’s ability to learn from mistakes, you’ll be able to accomplish just about anything.

“When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” -Cathy Guiswite

“I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade…and try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” -Ron White

“Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial k*ller.” –Ellen DeGeneres

“Look, I don’t want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you’re alive, you’ve got to flap your arms and legs, you’ve got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore, you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you’re not alive.” -Mel Brooks

“Teamwork—A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.” -Larry Kersten

“Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.” -Mike Tyson

“Smiling always seems to annoy people more than actually insulting them. Or maybe I just have an annoying smile.” -Jim Butcher (Storm Front)

“As for you, my fine friend, you’re a victim of disorganized thinking. You are under the delusion that simply because you run away from danger, you have no courage. You’re confusing courage with wisdom.” -The Lion (The Wizard of Oz)

“If you’re too comfortable, it’s time to move on. Terrified of what’s next? You’re on the right track.” -Susan Fales-Hill

“A person is wise if he listens to millions of advice and doesn’t implement any of it.” -Michael Bassey Johnson

If you ever feel as though you’ve lost faith in humanity, remember that sponges can live a long time without brains too.

“I have a simple philosophy: Fill what’s empty. Empty what’s full. Scratch where it itches.” -Alice Roosevelt Longworth

“Man has always learned from the past. After all, you can’t learn history in reverse!” -Archimedes (The Sword in the Stone)

Humans have invented tools of navigation to help us find our way through life. However, our passions and curiosities have never ceased to confound us with the unpredictable directions they take.

“You can’t make an omelet without breakin’ eggs, and you can’t get on base without takin’ a swing.” -Hank Hill (King of the Hill)

“Only a true friend would be that truly honest.” -Shrek

“Nothing is impossible. The word itself says ‘I’m possible.’” -Audrey Hepburn

“A laugh can be a very powerful thing. Why, sometimes in life, it’s the only weapon we have.” -Roger Rabbit (Who Framed Roger Rabbit?)

“We don’t make mistakes, just happy little accidents.” -Bob Ross

“If people are doubting how far you can go, go so far that you can’t hear them anymore.” -Michele Ruiz

“One should never give up on hope. Unless that’s the name of the girl who cheated on you, in which case, yeah, give her up.” -Carroll Bryant

“The reason so few people are successful is no one has yet found a way for someone to sit down and slide uphill.” -W. Clement Stone

“If you can laugh at your mistakes, it’s a good thing.” -Ozzy Osbourne

“Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.” -Oscar Wilde

“Everything that made that giant tree is already contained inside this tiny little seed. All it needs is some time, a little bit of sunshine and rain, and voilá!” -Flik (A Bug’s Life)

“Imagination was given to us to compensate for what we are not; a sense of humor was given to us to console us for what we are.” -Mark McGinnis

“Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.” -Will Rogers

“Error sometimes supplies the surprise that makes life interesting.” -Aimee Liu

“When you’re chewing on life’s gristle,
don’t grumble, give a whistle,
and this’ll help things turn out for the best.”
-Monty Python (Always Look on the Bright Side of Life)

“Always keep your smile. That’s how I explain my long life.” -Jeanne Calment

“I never blame myself when I’m not hitting. I just blame the bat, and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it isn’t my fault that I’m not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?” -Yogi Berra

“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” -Earl Wilson

“Opportunity does not knock; it presents itself when you beat down the door.” -Kyle Chandler

“Today, me will live in the moment, unless it’s unpleasant. In which case, me will eat a cookie.” –Cookie Monster

“I am an optimist. It does not seem too much use being anything else.” -Winston Churchill

“You can’t be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide overthinking it. You have to go down the chute.” -Tina Fey

“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” -Elbert Hubbard

“I’m a shooting star leaping through the sky
Like a tiger defying the laws of gravity
I’m a racing car passing by like Lady Godiva
I’m gonna go, go, go
There’s no stopping me”
-Queen (Don’t Stop Me Now)

“A postage stamp is a mighty small thing, but it has the ability to stick to one thing until it gets there.” -Josh Billings

“There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.” -Douglas Adams

“By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” -Robert Frost

“Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can’t lose.” -Bill Gates

“You gotta keep on keepin’ on. Life’s a garden: dig it. You gotta make it work for you.” -Joe Dirt

“There are two types of people who will tell you that you cannot make a difference in this world: those who are afraid to try, and those who are afraid you will succeed.” -Ray Goforth

“Here’s a little song I wrote
You might want to sing it note for note
Don’t worry, be happy
In every life we have some trouble
But when you worry, you make it double
Don’t worry, be happy
Don’t worry, be happy now.”
-Bobby McFerrin (Don’t Worry Be Happy)

“A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him.” -David Brinkley

“It’s called ‘teamwork’, but most of the time, it’s everyone sitting around until one man does all the work.” -Thomas Wilbur

“Whenever you leave behind failure, that means you’re doing better. If you think everything you’ve done has been great, you’re probably dumb.” -Louis CK

“There are two ways to pass a hurdle: leaping over or plowing through…There needs to be a monster truck option.” -Jeph Jacques

“Minds are like parachutes—they only function when open.” -Thomas Dewar

“Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else’s path, unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path, then by all means, you should follow that.” -Ellen DeGeneres

“How many times do I have to teach you? Just because something works doesn’t mean it can’t be improved.” -Shuri (Black Panther)

“Stand firm for what you believe in, until and unless experience proves you wrong. Remember, when the emperor looks naked, the emperor *is* naked. The truth and a lie are not sort of the same thing. And there is no aspect, no facet, no moment of life that can’t be improved with pizza.” -Daria Morgendorffer (Daria)

“To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.” -Ashleigh Brilliant

“Swallow a toad in the morning, and you will encounter nothing more disgusting the rest of the day.” -Nicolas Chamfort

“Attitude is everything, so pick a good one.” -Wayne Dyer

“Stop worrying about the world ending today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.” -Charles M. Schulz

“If you can dream it, you can do it. Always remember that this whole thing was started by a mouse.” -Walt Disney

“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.” -Erma Bombeck

“So many things are possible just as long as you don’t know they’re impossible.” -Norton Juster (The Phantom Tollbooth)

To compare yourself to others is like comparing an apple to a banana. Of course, if you prefer bananas to apples, you might have a problem.

“When you hit that low point, you have a choice. You can either wallow in self-pity, or you can suck it up. It’s your call.” -Scrubs

“The 50-50-90 rule: anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.” -Andy Rooney

“There are three kinds of men: the one that learns by reading, the few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.” -Will Rogers

“My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far, I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” -Dave Barry

“If I had my way, I’d make health catching instead of disease.” -Robert Ingersoll

While you’re sick, listen to the doctor and eat your greens! Green skittles, mint ice cream, green apple lollipops, gummi bears…

I’m no doctor, but I’ll give you my honest advice: sleep like a boulder, drink a lot of orange juice, take a few extra days off from work, and don’t do anything too crazy. Save your antics for when you’re well.

Recovering in the winter time gives you the best of both worlds. You don’t have to go outside, and you can stay warm and cozy as though you’re having an extended snow day. Stay warm, eat warm meals, and feel better soon!

If self-care were a competition, you’d win by a landslide. You’ll face whatever is making you feel low and emerge victorious like a champion. All it takes is your favorite tea, nap time with your pet, and a few witty jokes.

In the most trying times, it’s a guarantee that your friends will be there to look after you while you’re sick. They might also drive you up the wall, but this is what tends to come along with friendships. Friends being silly around you is part of feeling more like yourself again.

“Is there a medical rule that requires doctors’-office personnel to treat you as though you have the IQ of a Cheeto?” -Dave Barry

“If your arteries are good, eat more ice cream. If they are bad, drink more red wine. Proceed thusly.” -Sandra Byrd

No matter how hard it is for you to accept it, even superheroes have their weaknesses and moments of rest. Take after your favorite heroes and lay low until you get better. That way, you’ll be able to kick more butt when you’re on your feet again!

There are different types of therapy you can turn to while you’re healing, but I think you would benefit from kitten therapy the most. Who doesn’t love being surrounded by kittens? Have a purrfect recovery!

I hope you’re having a restful time off and are taking good care of yourself (i.e., binge-watching television shows, eating baked goods, and sleeping in very, very late).

Falling ill makes you appreciate your times of wellness, while your times of wellness make you miss the leisure you enjoyed while you were ill. Feel better, and remember to take breaks regardless of how you are feeling.

If we could heal from injuries the way cartoon characters do, the human race would never need doctors. Unfortunately, we’re all going to need bed rest and bandages at some point in our lives. That’s what might make us stronger in the end.

“I don’t go to a psychiatrist. I don’t go to a gym. I run away from my accountant. I run away from my dentist. They are all supposed to help you, but I like to stay in bed, where I have a chance to reflect, like Rossellini.” -Marlene Dumas

Even the most graceful dancers take tiny steps in their routines. Moving forward isn’t always about taking leaps. In your case, staying in one place for a while is your best bet. Have a peaceful recovery, and start dancing again only when your body has healed.

The tortoise beat the hare in the race for a reason. Don’t become the victim of a fable; take your time while you heal, and don’t think that making haste will help things along.

I agree that it’s important to listen to your body as you heal. When your body craves comfort food, eat comfort food. If you don’t want anything green, don’t eat anything green.

Once you come back from the hospital, may you be resilient and bounce back as readily as a lump of jello! There’s a reason why jello is such a popular food item at health centers, after all.

An operation won’t be the worst thing you’ll experience, as long as you’re not the man from the board game. Get well soon!

Recovery doesn’t have to feel like a long road; a few good friends, plenty of snacks, and intermittent naps will make your healing feel like a walk across the street.

There’s no shame in missing classes when you’re sick. Not only will you have more time to recover, but you will also be able to finish the homework you didn’t get to do last night.

Get well enough so that you can resume having fun, but not well enough lest you’re able to go back to work full time.

Get well soon! May your path to recovery not be as convoluted as your doctor’s handwriting.

“It’s true that laughter really is cheap medicine. It’s a prescription anyone can afford. And best of all, you can fill it right now.” -Steve Goodier

Laughter is an important part of the healing process. Just make sure not to get too ‘humerus’ and laugh so hard that you break your funny bone.

When you are recovering from a major surgery, there’s no reason to feel discouraged about the things that might be difficult for you to do right now. However, if you like doing nothing, then convalescence is the right thing for you. Take it easy, and get well soon!

“Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.” -Dorothy Parker

If it’s true that getting your wisdom teeth pulled out makes you wiser, you’re in luck. At least in your case, this is just another step toward better health and a sharper mind.

“The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.” -Mark Twain

“To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost.” -Gustave Flaubert

A little bit of patience will help you restore your strength and wellbeing. That’s probably why doctors call them ‘patients’. Get well soon.

“I don’t have a funny bone in my body; now I know why my surgeon’s bills are so high.” -Rory R. Cuphist

Think of your recovery as a relaxing vacation—you get to rest, watch movies, play your favorite games, read books, find new hobbies, and be waited on by your friends and family.

With your optimism and sense of humor, you will be glowing with health so brightly that we’ll have to wear sunglasses around you.

“I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.” -Richard Lewis

“Good health is not something we can buy. However, it can be an extremely valuable savings account.” -Anne Wilson Schaef

“Joy and Temperance and Repose
Slam the door on the doctor’s nose.”
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

“Recovery is something that you have to work on every single day, and it’s something that doesn’t get a day off.” -Demi Lovato

“Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.” -Albert Schweitzer

“My doctor is wonderful. Once, when I couldn’t afford an operation, he touched up the X-rays.” -Joey Bishop

“The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman.” -Jonathan Swift

“Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.” -Lord Byron

“A psychologist said to me, there are only two important questions you have to ask yourself. What do you really feel? And, what do you really want? If you can answer those two, you probably can leave your neuroses behind you.” -Harold Ramis

“The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease.” -Voltaire

“I’m saving my sick days for when I’m feeling better.” -Salma Hayek

Operation rooms aren’t in cars for a good reason. Otherwise, I would have been a backseat driver. I’m glad the procedure went well; now that you’re getting better, you’ll be able to steer yourself back on track.

“Older people shouldn’t eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get.” -Robert Orben

They say milk builds strong bones, but it doesn’t give us resilience. You can start learning resilience by spilling sour milk all over yourself. Anyway, I hope you feel better, regardless of whether milk helps or not.

I’m sorry I’m being such a pill about making sure you’re comfortably recovering. It is true that pills can be effective remedies. A pill a day will make you stronger than you were yesterday.

“My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.” -Milton Berle

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.” -Zig Ziglar

If you treat work like going to a casino every day, you’ll absolutely love your job, because every time, you’ll leave with more money than you had going in.

Hard work might not be able to move a mountain range, but it can make the hour and second hands on the wall clock spin.

“Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.” -Steven Wright

Make sure that the job you currently have makes you a better person, so you can get a new and better job once you get fed up and leave.

“I’m lazy. But it’s the lazy people who invented the wheel and the bicycle, because they didn’t like walking or carrying things.” -Lech Walesa

“Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties.” -Doug Larson

Work gives us an incentive to have goals and a reason to put extra whipped cream and caramel into our morning coffee.

The reason Mondays exist is so they make our Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays all the more exciting. If Monday’s your day off from work, then even better.

“Every cloud has its silver lining, but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint.” -Don Marquis

“Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a good excuse.” -Thomas Stephen Szasz

“Money, if it does not bring you happiness, will at least help you be miserable in comfort.” -Helen Gurley Brown

A good sense of humor will bring you a long way in the workforce. Since there are so many clowns, work is just another huge circus and an opportunity for laughs.

If you think a 9 to 5 is tough, try talking to your office plants; they’ve never left work since they entered the building!

“Filling out a credit card application, my friend came upon this question: ‘What is your source of income?’ She wrote: ‘ATM.’” -Michael McRae

If you wouldn’t want to read your work motto every day on the coffee mug you were given as a gag gift, you might want to change your work motto.

Have the spirit of the worker bee: do what you love, earn a sweet reward, and repel anyone or anything who tries to get in your way. There’s nothing like getting buzzed afterward!

“Intelligence is the ability to avoid doing work, yet getting the work done.” -Linus Torvalds

“The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” -Sarah Brown

“The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.” -Stanley J. Randall

“I want to share something with you: the three little sentences that will get you through life. No. 1: Cover for me. No. 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! No. 3: It was like that when I got here.” -Homer Simpson (The Simpsons)

Getting fired from your boring job might just be another way to get ‘fired up’ for finding a job that inspires you.

“If you don’t build your dream, someone else will hire you to help them build theirs.” -Dhirubhai Ambani

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” -Thomas A. Edison

“I guess I’ve been working so hard, I forgot what it’s like to be hardly working.” –Michael Scott (The Office)

“Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.” -Groucho Marx

“A man works hard all week to keep his pants off all weekend.” -Mr. Eugene Krabs (SpongeBob SquarePants)

“How do you nurture a positive attitude when all the statistics say you’re a dead man? You go to work.” -Patrick Swayze

“On this team, we’re all united in a common goal: to keep my job.” -Lou Holtz

“Hey there, Mr. Grumpy Gills. When life gets you down, do you wanna know what you’ve gotta do? Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim…” -Dory (Finding Nemo)

“Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.” -Bill Vaughan

“If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?” -Laurence J. Peter

“‘We’re in this together’ usually means ‘I’m here for you, unless it requires me getting into my car anywhere near rush hour.’” -Dov Davidoff

“Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment.” -Robert Benchley

“Optimist: someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it’s more like a cha-cha.” -Robert Brault

“You don’t have to be a ‘person of influence’ to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they’ve taught me.” -Scott Adams

“The ability to deal with people is as purchasable a commodity as sugar or coffee, and I will pay more for that ability than for any other under the Sun.” -John D. Rockefeller

“The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not ‘Eureka!’, but ‘That’s funny…’” -Isaac Asimov

“Retirement: it’s nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.” -Gene Perret

“Work is the greatest thing in the world. So, we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” -Don Herold

“As I have gotten older and wiser, I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job: payday, lunchtime, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course, retirement.” -Tom Goins

“Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over my body.” -Roger J. Corless (Vision of Buddhism: The Space Under the Tree)

“We want to do a lot of stuff. We’re not in great shape. We didn’t get a good night’s sleep. We’re a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.” –Jerry Seinfeld

“Desperation is a necessary ingredient to learning anything, or creating anything. Period. If you ain’t desperate at some point, you ain’t interesting.” -Jim Carrey

“The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.” -Franklin P. Jones

Treat the weekends like islands and treat the weekdays as the cruise. As long as your job keeps you afloat, you will always have fun destinations to explore.

“There is no secret to success except hard work and getting something indefinable which we call ‘the breaks.’” -Countee Cullen

“Here’s some advice: at a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent. Unless the job is a statistician.” -Adam Gropman

“I work for myself, which is fun. Except for the time when I call in sick; I always know that I am lying.” -Rita Rudner

“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. I love to keep it by me; the idea of getting rid of it nearly breaks my heart.” -Jerome K. Jerome

“In every job that must be done
There is an element of fun
You find the fun and snap!
The job’s a game
And every task you undertake
Becomes a piece of cake.”
-Julie Andrews (Mary Poppins)

“I hire people brighter than me, and then I get out of their way.” -Lee Iacocca

“Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence.” -Laurence J. Peter

“The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.” -Steve Jobs

“From now on, every hour is happy hour—at least until business picks up. Eat, drink and be merry.” -Rick Berman

“You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” -Robin Williams

“I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail.” -Abraham Maslow

“So many people spend their health gaining wealth, and then have to spend their wealth to regain their health.” -A.J. Reb Materi